Today I Cried
I used the can opener and Elli did not come running. Then I cried because I remembered that we put her into the ground last weekend.
Elli had the softest personality of any dog I've met. She was timid and fearful, but more than that, she was chill. Just running my hands over her blonde fur lowered my stress and brought me peace. As all do, she ran to the door to great me each time I came home. Whether a trip to the store, a whole day of errands or, a quick dash to the garage, the amount of time I was gone did not change her delight at my return.
11 years was not enough. Dog people know, it is never enough. We adopt a new dog knowing that at some point we will have to let go. But I do it, again and again. The pain of loss is sharp at first, but over the time, it fades into a longing for the connection to a fully accepting being whose life mission is to be with me, love me, accept me totally. When the longing gets strong enough, balance tips from the pain of loss to the excitement of a new connection. That's the time when I realize that a new companion is just around the corner. Last time it took 3 months.
I don't know when the balance will entice me into another relationship. I just know now is too soon. I can still feel her presence. I look for her to be in her favourite spot behind the lounger. I still listen for the click of her nails coming down the hall. I still turn my head expecting to see her curled up on the back seat of the truck. Each time my heart breaks it feels like the end of the world and I question why I do this.
Then I remember the love.