Nobody's Gone
Having 4 children in the house, I was frequently confronted with a fifth member of the family whom I did not ever see or hear at any time during the raising of my children. Only when there was a fingerprint in the icing on the cake, a flower pot overturned, a glass broken, or a mess of toast crumbs and jam on the kitchen counter did I encounter the aftermath of my elusive 5th child. My husband too was tormented by the antics of our insubstantial off spring. His clues to this phantom presence were repeatedly, and annoyingly frequent. A light on in a deserted room; the winter wind whistling through a back door left open (even though the dog was safely ensconced in his favourite chair); screwdrivers, hammers, shovels and rakes, indeed any portable tool, moving to various parts of the house and yard were sure signs that our insubstantial progeny was still in residence with us.
Our first notion that our 4 children were not the only occupants of our house (besides myself and my husband) came when a new name was invoked regularly and at increasingly short intervals by our very own cherubs. Those wonderfully polite, well behaved and invariably faultless boys who never made a misstep or blunder, were always so eager to point us toward the culprit in any and all spills, missing items or torn clothing. The innocent faces turned up toward us in virtuous response to our queries were quite sure of the instigator in all matters. Nobody did it.
Who left the empty milk container in the fridge? – Nobody Who wore their muddy boots across the living room floor? - Nobody Who cut a hole, for the dogs tail, in these pants? - Nobody
Nobody was so stealthy, so surreptitious in their movements that I never heard a footfall or a creaking door. Nobody was so quick and nimble that I was unable to observe even a vanishing shadow, or the movement of a curtain despite my continued vigilance to apprehend the little tyke. Setting traps seemed futile, so to curb the mischievous little imps antics I enlisted the help of my exemplary children.
“It has come to our attention” I intoned, “that Nobody is wreaking havoc in our house. As you boys seem to be the only ones to ever be able to observe Nobody's antics, it will be your task to curb Nobody's mischievous nature. With 4 weeks in a month and 4 of you responsible children – each one of you will be answerable for Nobody for one week each month. If Nobody spills the sugar, whichever of you is Nobody's watcher for that week will clean it up. If Nobody leaves the toys about, we now know who will be returning them to their proper place.”
I was amazed at how quickly Nobody vacated our house. Have they moved on to yours?